Can A Boyfriends Ask For Money Back That He Put Into A House?

Financial talks can be uncomfortable to have in whatever state of affairs (just think nearly how we tiptoe effectually discussing our salaries at work!). Only when you're dating someone yous care about, money convos can be even more than awkward to have with them. This is especially truthful if you find yourself in a situation where you need to ask your partner for money... or vice versa. Yikes.

Of grade, while every situation and relationship is different—and there's no right answer for how to have these kind of talks—take solace in the fact that you lot're not alone if you think they're touchy.

In fact, consider the opinions of these xiii twentysomething men and women, who get existent virtually loaning or beingness loaned money past their partners:

1. "I call up asking your partner for coin can be a very glace slope. In the by, I had a partner who needed money, and would brand me experience guilty for having my family financially back up me. I was also uncomfortable talking almost our different financial situations, and so I'd just pay for everything past default. If I mentioned him paying for something or getting a total-time chore, he'd deed similar it was no big bargain for me to pay since it wasn't my money. It's uncomfortable, merely now I always talk with my partner about our financial situations upfront."—Lauren, 24

2. "I call up borrowing money from a partner can be a corking opportunity— both for the giver to experience helpful, and for the recipient to prove that they're trustworthy and conscientious. When I was actually broke in higher, I had to reluctantly borrow $l from my boyfriend of six months and so that I could swallow that week — I paid him back within the month. It fabricated him feel practiced to help me out, really saved me in the moment, and definitely brought us closer." —Sophie, 24

3. "In most cases, if there's another friend or family fellow member that can help you lot out instead, information technology'southward non a adept idea. A few years ago, I had the opportunity to 'claim' a pretty large windfall of money, but wouldn't have been able to greenbacks out the funds for a while. This money also came with a huge tax bill upfront that I didn't take the money to pay. My girlfriend of just over a year had worked in finance for many years and had quite a bit of money saved upward, and agreed to lend me the coin at a slightly-below-market place interest rate. I'k not sure if it changed the dynamic of our human relationship for her, just I know I was ever worried nearly the fact that I was indebted to her. I wasn't sure how we would handle the fact that I still owed her all of this money if something went incorrect in our human relationship. If anything, the fact that I had borrowed coin from my partner made me blitz to pay back the loan every bit speedily as possible."—Michael, 29

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iv. "Giving a partner money can totally work out, merely you demand to view it as a gift, not a loan. My partner of 7 years is in grad schoolhouse, and I've been working total-fourth dimension for three years at a big tech company. Final summer, my swain got accustomed to study away merely had limited funds, so I offered to pay for united states of america to fly there and back—almost $5,000. I had the money, so for me information technology was worth it to invest in my partner's educational experience, simply information technology was the nearly I've ever spent, or given him. With that context, it didn't shift our relationship dynamic much. I accept always been more than willing to pay for expensive things I want us to do, and after getting burned badly by a friend in higher, I only ever give people money, I don't exercise loans." —Marie, 25

5."I have lent money to past partners and would hope to not exercise it again. I had a girlfriend I lived with who ran into some coin problems after getting injured, and so I offered to cover her living costs (including hire). At the time, it seemed like there would be a definitive end to her fiscal need, simply once she started making money again, it didn't stop. Her eventual five-figure debt kept u.s.a. tied together longer than we should accept been together."—Hannah, 23

6. "Earlier this twelvemonth I lent my boyfriend around $3k to pay for some taxes he owed (I offered and didn't hesitate to do information technology). He didn't want to have it at first, simply realized it was ameliorate than paying more involvement. I brand slightly more than him so I knew that it wouldn't hurt me as much if I shelled out the money. We'd been together iv years so I knew he wouldn't simply bond on me without paying, which definitely influenced why I was willing to lend him money. At kickoff I didn't think our relationship had inverse, and at least from my perspective it hasn't, but lately, he e'er brings it up a lot because he hasn't finished paying me back. I always assure him that I'm not mad at him for taking and so long to pay me back, but he definitely thinks it sucks that he's in this position." — Edna, 24

7. "Back in college, I'd have to spot my fellow all the time for dinner, food, and outings because he didn't actually have an income. I would just charge him for stuff on Venmo and and so wait for him to pay me dorsum when he would get gift coin, fiscal aid, whatever. When we eventually bankrupt up, he still owed me around a hundred dollars, but he paid me back without having to be reminded. I always felt it was worth it, and never lent him more money than I was willing to lose, merely I only covered him for stuff we did together. If yous're gonna lend people money, you have to exist mentally okay with not getting paid back for a long time, or perchance always, because there'due south always a chance you lot're never gonna see it again. "—Amy, 23

8. "I recollect as long as you're doing it for things you admittedly need and have a programme to pay them back, it'southward okay. While I was looking for a job, I was actually struggling to even buy food sometimes, and then my boyfriend would sometimes spot me. I felt and so guilty and kept rails of every transaction, and made certain he knew I was going to pay him dorsum once I figured out my life. He understood though, because he also went through the struggle of looking for a chore mail-grad. Once I got a job, I paid him back for everything."—Angelina, 22

9. "My personal advice: Don't do it unless y'all're desperate. As someone who has always been more than financially successful than my partner, I've often institute myself being too generous and giving. I had ane boyfriend I was with for over four years, and I'd wind upward paying for almost everything when we went out together, and loaning him coin when he'd be in a demark. Sometimes he'd pay me back, sometimes he'd 'forget.' I thought it would be stingy of me to bring it upwardly, so I never did. I assumed he'd e'er do the same for me, until the time came that I really needed his help, and he was very reluctant. It completely changed the dynamic of the relationship and put this expectation on me to pay for things near exclusively moving forward. " —Marie, 24

10. "One time I didn't have enough coin to check my luggage and my card was declined. I had been hooking up with this guy very casually, and at that place was already a weird dynamic in place with a language barrier. I always felt very shy around him. I felt very subordinate with him and guilty asking for coin, but he ended helping me out and never asked for money dorsum. I felt very uncomfortable at first — If I'm a feminist, practice I merely pay for myself? Is information technology okay to take coin from men? Where do I depict the line? It'southward very hard for me to accept money from men merely that actually changed it for me. When it comes down to it, a partnership is a partnership. That ways taking care of each other. That goes both means also—if he needed me that way, I'd exist available as well."—Edwina, 25

11. "When I was in college a few years ago, I constitute myself unable to pay rent one month because of a car result. I was very distraught as I knew my parents couldn't aid me either. I dreaded fifty-fifty the thought of mentioning it to my partner at the fourth dimension, but knew I had to ask because I was drastic. We'd been dating for around six months at that point, but he came from a very different socioeconomic background than me, so I felt like he wouldn't empathise. He offered me the money, just only if I would agree to sign a contract paired with an interest rate. It was a super dehumanizing experience that was paired with a lot of verbal corruption about how I was irresponsible. He even went so far as to say that if I really needed coin, I should sell my dog. I declined his offer, and thankfully scrambled the cash together elsewhere. Nosotros broke up nigh one-half a year later, although I wished I had done it sooner."— Jenn, 23

12. "My boyfriend and I have been together for a piddling over ii years and we live together. I work in an inconsistent, artistic field and he'southward a lawyer at a big bank, so we brand very different coin. Last year I was starting off in this new field, and money was super tight for me. He saw how stressed I was, and offered me coin on almost a daily footing. We'd be watching Boob tube and he'd exist like 'practise you need money?' I e'er said no, just definitely made concessions in other places. For example, he pays slightly more of the rent than I do, and he usually pays when we go out. I call up that allows me to still be independent. I think if I had accepted money from him, I would always kind of experience like I owed him, and might feel like I was less than him. I never desire to rely on a man for money and want to know that if the relationship doesn't work out, I can take intendance of myself."—Folio, 25

13. "I think it'southward fine, but only if it's an emergency where they're borrowing short-term, or similar a existent 'boyfriend-girlfriend' situation. I was recently asked for effectually a thou dollars from a daughter I had very casually been hooking upwards with for a calendar month or 2. Not only was that way too much money, just the reason she needed the money was so that she could have extra cash on hand for a yacht holiday in Europe. I thought it was totally bogus that she'd inquire me and it basically ruined the relationship."—Daniel, 26

Responses have been lightly edited for clarity.

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Carina Hsieh Sex & Relationships Editor Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle alley of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.

Source: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a25332932/asking-partner-money/

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